My guard was down otherwise how could such an ordinary email catch me sideways? Here I was thinking I’d evolved, gotten the upper hand in this whole heart vs. head infertility battle. What did I learn from this episode? I’m still vulnerable. I may try to put up a brave front, but I’ve clearly got a ways to go in accepting that babies will continue to come to others but not to me.
A longer post is in the works trying to tease out the particulars. In that post I’ll be “on the couch” while Dr. PJ (my head) does her best to psychoanalyze why Pamela Jeanne (my heart) responded so viscerally.
In the meantime, I decided to take the high road. This business acquaintance didn’t know that her email would cause me heartache. After considering all of the feedback (thanks very much for the comments), I put into practice my new motto — Karma Is As Karma Does — and offered my congratulations on her news. I added that I’d had a very busy summer, too, working on a book project and left it there. As I see it if I’ve done as good a job as I think I have on the book, she’ll be hearing soon enough all about my experience with infertility.
Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to go lick my wounds.