Beyond the Barren Years…
How could I have been so silly!? To illuminate further, our Beyond the Mommy Years author points to postmommyhood exhibit “A,” Jasmine, who explains that “it’s only now after her children are gone that she has awakened from her Mother Dream, fully energized and eager to get on with the rest of her life.”
Hmmm, let me see if I follow. Now that I’m no longer under the illusion that one day I’ll miraculously conceive, I just need to wake up and shake off my Infertility dr… well in my case it was no “dream,” it was a NIGHTMARE!
Yeah, see, this doesn’t quite apply. I think it’s a tad easier to move out of the postmommyhood dream state with a nice non-fat latte and a new outfit — what better time to ditch those Mom Jeans?
Nightmares, on the other hand, well, they have a way of leaving in their wake a little unfinished business … it’s going to take more than a new outfit to get “energized.” Now, what else does the author propose?
Savor the remaining moments? You’re kidding, right? There’s very little about the years in the conception failure loop that I want to savor. Maybe the Valium that I got to take on my embryo transfer day, yeah that was pretty good stuff, but outside of that no, not much to savor I’m afraid.
You see while age-wise those in the Beyond the Mommy Years species will one day join me in living child-free I’m guessing there will always be a gulf between us given our defining years as ‘fertiles’ and ‘infertiles.’ How can there not be when the stuff of bonding is made up of reminiscing about shared moments — like what it felt like to meet your first RE team, or the first time you tried to give yourself an injection consisting of the urine of post-menopausal women, or…
What? You mean, you don’t DIDN’T shoot up Pergonal? You have no idea what RE refers to? Well, okay how about those minor nervous breakdowns when Aunt Flo arrived? You mean you LIKED it when Aunt Flo arrived?
Hmmm, again. I kind of wondered if we two different species of women would ever find a way back to each other when we stopped cycling once and for all, but I gotta say fertiles will need to do some work first, and it involves getting outside of their cozy little bubble to fully appreciate the infertile’s mindset — the equivalent would be wrapping their head around the notion of Beyond the Barren Years…
We ‘infertiles’ have already done our homework. We’re painfully aware of the “fertile’s” lifestyle and the related empty nest syndrome — how can we not be when just about every sitcom, drama and news show is made up of parenting tales? So until there’s some measure of understanding about what it means to live the barren years, I’m guessing bonding tomorrow with the post-mommyhood crowd — just like today’s mommy crowd — is gonna be a bit of a challenge.