Women who become Mothers After Battling Infertility (MABIs) intrigue me. While I have not a clue what it’s like to walk in their shoes, they’re the closest proxy to what I might have been like as a mother. They’re a different breed. The hardship and emotional scars more often than not make them the polar opposite of the dreaded Momzilla.
MABIs have an extra gear, a sensitivity and empathy that extends beyond the norm. You can usually spot them easily. They generally don’t push their children in oversized strollers with a demanding, ‘get the @#$ out of my way’ attitude. They don’t drag their children into nice restaurants (or other places meant for grownups) past their bedtime, or when they’re sick, coughing and miserable. And they know their audience. They can read a crowd and know when it’s perhaps not a good time to launch into a story about the joys and frustrations of parenting.
From time to time they file MABI informant reports. Like undercover agents they reveal what it’s like to be in the belly of the beast — you can almost feel their pulses quicken and appreciate their desire to take a swing when trapped by a Momzilla in the Mom’s Clubs or play date scene.
Some MABIs have gone password protected. Think of it as the witness protection program for infertiles. It’s a good thing. They need the protection and anonymity. The Momzillas, no doubt, would demand off with their heads if they know where to find them. Take this report from one infertile, now a mother, who described a Momzilla…
about How People Are So Rude To Parents With Babies. This complaint was
pounced upon in our mother’s group a while back, and I just couldn’t
bring myself to join in. I was the one sitting timidly in the corner,
protesting, ‘Gosh, I’m surprised, people have been supernice to me…’
and feeling, once again, like I was somehow on the outside of the group.”
There’s a particular irony in that Momzillas seem incapable of recognizing that they make a mockery of the very behaviors that mothers are supposed to help instill in their children: kindness; patience; courteousness; sharing, goodwill, etc., etc.
You don’t have to be a MABI to understand this. There are also associate memberships to the MABI society — the MSTICs (pronounced like “mystics” – Mothers Sympathetic to Infertile Challenges).
Those of you who have had your fill of Momzillas — MABIs or MSTICs and, of course, my core readership WWCs (women without children) — are welcome to share your observations. Don’t worry. Momzillas don’t visit this site. They are tone deaf when it comes to understanding women who can’t have children.