A Fresh Start

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The new blog name came to me this morning: A Fresh Start

A Fresh Start Life After Infertility Blog

After all, isn’t that what we crave when we’ve come through a gut-wrenchingly difficult experience? Coming2Terms went a long way to helping me realize that women without children after infertility experience tremendous isolation. We often feel like misfits, square pegs trying to fit into round holes. That’s in large part because we don’t have readily available support networks, our own easy-to-locate tribe to turn to following an emotional body slam. For those who go on to parent, there are play groups, the PTA, etc., etc.,

 

What we bad ass chicks have been lacking is our own space to get a fresh start with new dreams that don’t involve being mothers, complete with private jokes and the finishing of each others’ sentences. I’ve always prided myself on being independent and self-sufficient but I’ve also learned that I’m not a hermit. I enjoy some good old-fashioned “hey, how’s it goin?” moments with those who share a common bond — an emotional tattoo of sorts. Apparently, “participation in social networks” and helping others is essential to happiness. This newsflash came in new findings highlighting that:

“Human beings are in some ways like bees,” Professor Haidt said. “We evolved to live in intensely social groups, and we don’t do as well when freed from hives…one thing that can make a lasting difference to your contentment is to work with others on a cause larger than yourself.”

Professor Haidt has a point. This email, which arrived earlier today, brought some happiness with it:

“Your book (Silent Sorority) was my voice. I was shocked to find women like me—feeling what I feel, saying what I said and crying like I had cried. I had been so wrapped up in my lonely world–I didn’t realize there were so many women out there like me! I belonged to a group—it was uplifting and even empowering. After reading your book, I began to heal. And that is when happiness started to fill my mind, my spirit, my heart and my soul. I am healed? Not yet—but I am closer than I have ever been! So, I look forward to your new blog–where we can share happiness in our lives instead of the sadness!”

So, as I bid farewell to Coming2Terms it seemed fitting to leave as the last post one that I wrote six months ago in my first attempt to close the door and open a window: Barren Doesn’t Mean Empty.

Now all you Barren-Nesses…bring your liberating moments, your black and other assorted colors of humor, and your all-around sassy, special selves over here for A Fresh Start.

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16 comments

  • I read that same NYTimes piece, and instantly recognized your quote! But, to the point, I love the new name and concept. I look forward to receiving the emails letting me know that a new entry is waiting for me at A Fresh Start.

  • emotional tattoo, I love it.

    congrats on the new digs. this space has served so well.

  • Great choice of name! I am so glad you are continuing to blog, albeit in new digs with a renewed perspective. I’ll see you over there! : )

  • Sharon

    Hey Pam, fabulous idea and I love the name. I hope those of us who have become fans of yours but are Mom’s will also be allowed to join in on the fun? I may have child now but damn, I’m still barren and everything that made me barren is still very much there.
    Will miss Coming2Terms though!
    xx

  • jrs

    I nominated you for a beautiful blogger award. I have enjoyed reading your posts from time to time.

  • Janis

    I am childless and live in England. I am stunned to find somebody so open about being childless. It is a taboo subject and I carry it around with me all the time. Thank You Pamela. I have ordered your book and await to read it to feel part of something.

    • Pamela Tsigdinos

      Dear Janis,

      Glad you found a sense of understanding and community here. You’re far from isolated in your experience. You’ll find more in the way of other perspectives on my new blog, A Fresh Start.  You’re welcome to share your experience there…

      p.s. Thank you, too, for ordering Silent Sorority…

      • Janis

        I have so much sorrow inside me I dare not think too much. Every day living in a family orientated world is like living in hell. I have grown used to it after twenty years but it is still there on a back burner so to speak. As you can see I am desperate to talk to someone but no one understands.Thank You

        • Pamela Tsigdinos

          I fully understand, Janis. The UK is in many ways ahead of the US in its efforts to recognize our experience. There’s a group there called More to Life. You can find out more here: http://www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/moretolife/

          Would encourage you to look into it as another resource.

          • Janis

            Hi Pam I have joined MTL here in England just to be with ladies who are childless like me.Lets hope the US catches up with the UK so more people can be helped. I have read your brilliant book. Keep up the good work.

          • Pamela

            Thanks, Janis! Sending my best to you and the MTL community…

  • marina

    so, after reading your blog from first to last post over a week or so, I’m glad to see you moved on. REALLY moved on.

    just leaving this lines, in hopes of meeting you again, at such state, sometime in the near future…

    best regards.

    Infertile from Argentina

    • Pamela Tsigdinos

      Dear Marina,
      It was a long, tough slog as you, no doubt, surmised.  I wasn’t prepared for the thorny questions and the range of complex emotions. Thanks for taking the time to read about my non-linear journey. Wishing you the very best, too. Pamela

  • Mom To A Preschooler

    I feel for you my dear. My close friend is also going through the same thing and I wish that she’d be able to deal things the way you are doing now. I know it’s going to take a while, but thanks for being showing such courage. I wish you all the best.

  • Jennifer

    I suffered from infertility for many years amongst a neighborhood of very fertile friends. I had just moved to a new state and even though I made new friends I never felt so alone. Everyone had children, but me. Boy was I trying. I was thinking all the time about it and it seemed to be controlling me. I joined RESOLVE and started to see a professional therapist to take my life back.
    I wanted control back of my body.
    That helped me a lot.
    I just wanted to say that infertility is really scarring, even though I have had one child through Ivf (who happens to be deaf and wears two cochlear implants) and a son who was born as a surprise 36months later (I know, we hate that word”surprise”, but truly, we were waiting to start another cycle of IVF and mr menstrual cycle never came. Still old feelings and empathy corms back in waves when I hear of a couple going through it. Best of luck in whatever private decision you both make.

  • Just wanted to let you know I’ve made a new blog home. I was at my so-called life but I’m having a fresh start as well at barrenchemist.wordpress.com.