There’s More Than One Infertility Outcome

Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos
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Update: As evidence of a sea change in how infertility is portrayed, Yahoo Shine featured on its homepage a story about “the growing women’s movement to de-stigmatize infertility.” It came in the wake of the latest edition of Our Bodies, Ourselves (which includes an expanded section on not just the physical but the emotional aspects of infertility) and Redbook’s Truth About Trying campaign, referenced below. Feels great to be part of an effort to limit prejudice and open up a new dialogue about a long misunderstood experience.

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It’s bittersweet to visit my old blog.

Coming2Terms holds many raw, competing emotions, growing pains, and, yes, what were once a few secrets. It’s all here, naked and unvarnished, available for anyone curious to know where my infertility journey took me and how my life unfolded. Five years on from Coming2Terms’ origin, this little slice of the Internet remains a strong force in my life, responsible in many ways for ushering me along to where I am today.

screenshot2The knowledge that more than a few women (and men) are just now arriving where I once began is what led me to create a video for Redbook‘s newly launched infertility campaign, The Truth About Trying.  The question we were asked to address in our videos: What is it we wish we’d known…

You’ll find my answer (also captured in this post headline) among many other answers, including a video response from my fellow “life after infertility” blogger Lisa. Her latest blog post relates what she experienced at the campaign launch. (I hear you, sister!)

Redbook hopes these initial contributions spur many more women to make their own videos, all in the service of reducing stigma and fostering greater understanding and empathy.

Meanwhile, wishing all — regardless of where you are on your own journey — much peace and happiness.

12 comments

  • Hi Pamela, I just wanted to say that I really appreciated your video. My husband and I are not yet officially childless by choice but our complicated 6 1/2 year IF journey is winding to a close and getting to the end with a child will be a long shot. Several months ago when the reality of that hit, I discovered your book. You are anything but my worst nightmare – you are my hero. Knowing that there were those out there such as yourself who had faced the unthinkable, made the best of it, and gone on to lead happy, fulfilling lives has given me something to hang on to as we get through these next few months that present overwhelming uncertainty. Thank you so much for being willing to open up and share your story.

    • Pamela Tsigdinos

      Dear Jenny,
      Thanks for taking the time to write. I’m glad that watching the video and reading Silent Sorority helped bring some comfort and diminish some of the uncertainty and angst you might be experiencing. It’s never easy to move in a direction that is contrary to the one you once expected. Sending all my best, Pamela

  • Pamela, whether it’s here, on A Fresh Start, Open Salon, Facebook, or now on YouTube ; ) it is always so great to hear from you!! Thanks for the heads up about the Redbook campaign — I’ve been watching your video, Lisa’s & some of the others this evening — what a great project. Thanks for lending your voice & once again speaking for those of us who have chosen to follow this road less travelled. : )

  • Hi, Pamela! THANK YOU SO MUCH for the video. I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.

    I even put it in Facebook so that people know that there is life after infertility, even if it means no babies and that a family can be complete just the two of us. 😀

    • Pamela

      Dear Amel,
      Thank you for taking the time to watch the video and for sharing it on FB. Each of our voices helps to grow understanding. ox

  • Michell

    Great video. And great message. I know that a few years back I couldn’t imagine finding happiness or contentment without children but it’s getting easier. Blogs like yours have helped.

    • Pamela Tsigdinos

      Thanks, Michell. Glad you’re doing well. I remember when we met in SF. We’ve come a long way since then…

  • Michelle

    Pamela, Thanks so much for giving voice to the many women coping and coming to terms with their infertility. Reading Silent Sorority has stirred up feelings that I thought I had long ago dealt with and accepted as an infertile woman in my 40’s. The book has shown me that that the grieving doesn’t every really go away but will ebb and flow. I will be more conscious of going with that flow rather than fighting it in the future.
    Thank you again.

  • Alaina Mayes

    I love your post and your writing. And, completely agree on the 3 door theory. This life is indeed tough and no matter where you are on this infertility journey, it is a lonely one. I appreciate your coming out & that you are doing your part in shedding light on our issues – there are so many who are affected who struggle privately…..
    I look forward to reading more posts and your book!

  • Tiffany

    Hi Pamela, thank you for great video. I don’t think I’ll ever fully accept the facts but I think I’ll have to learn how to live with this knowledge. Sometimes I think that seeing other women are facing the same problems make it a bit easier but on other days it makes it more difficult. I still haven’t found a way to deal with it properly but I appreciate your strength and openness.

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