Spread the loveFinally Heard: A Silent Sorority Finds Its Voice is an intentionally short ebook designed in the Kindle Singles model. It incorporates wisdom from ‘Generation IVF’ designed to spark discussion about infertility and the little discussed aftermath of fertility treatments. Behind the Writing My life changed after emerging as a reluctant spokeswoman on infertility in 2008. The transformation started […]» Read more
Spread the loveUpdate: As evidence of a sea change in how infertility is portrayed, Yahoo Shine featured on its homepage a story about “the growing women’s movement to de-stigmatize infertility.” It came in the wake of the latest edition of Our Bodies, Ourselves (which includes an expanded section on not just the physical but the emotional aspects of infertility) and Redbook’s Truth About Trying campaign, referenced below. […]» Read more
Spread the loveUpdated 1/4/2010 Wanted to share a TV interview scheduled at the end of last year that took place today on the ABC affiliate KXTV. I hope you find that it moves the discussion away from OctoMom and the related soap opera reality TV shows focused on unusual fertility treatment outcomes to the more basic realities faced by couples coping […]» Read more
Spread the loveAnyone out there remember playing the board game LIFE? It’s been years since I spun the wheel of fate, but during a visit with friends who have a seven-year-old daughter and nine- and 11-year-old sons I was invited to put a pink peg in a car and see what life had in store for me. On the living […]» Read more
That’s a clue for my answer to some complex questions that came this weekend from Silent Sorority readers. The ideas and emotions contained in their questions were remarkably familiar — so
much so they could have come straight out of my own head a few years ago. I guess, by now, I shouldn’t be startled by the depth of the shared infertility experience. I’m sure they’ll evoke some deja
vu for you, too. The questions pose the ultimate test for infertiles who don’t succeed with treatment — overcoming anger and finding peace.
First came this email:
“I’ve been having a rough go of it lately and have been pretty messed up.It’s kind of the kick off of the fun family/kid centric holiday season and I know it’s always really hard for me.
Something you wrote about in your book and talk about at times is an issue that I’m dealing with. How did you move beyond the resentment of people who do have children? I absolutely hate
feeling this way. I’m even starting to resent my dr. and therapist, not good. I just see everyone with kids as having something I can’t, won’t. On some level, I understand it is the way it is
supposed to be. On the other hand, I just want to isolate myself from all those with kids. So frustrating,and impossible too! Does it just fade away?”
…» Read more
Spread the loveYou know you are pretty far along the acceptance curve when you can laugh about things that once made you want to: a) scream b) cry c) commit Hari-Kiri or d) all of the above. I offer as evidence the Open Salon piece I wrote about the fertility industry, which led to the following online exchange with that […]» Read more
Spread the loveInfertile folk will never quite measure up on the yardstick of life used by “fertile” folk — what with such things as pregnancies, baby firsts, kid kibbitzing, and parental back slaps among the many markings. So what’s an infertile to do? Get a new measurement system! That’s only one of the “ah has” I’ve learned in reconciling infertility. […]» Read more
Spread the loveConstance? Earnest? Stalwart? Fred? I haven’t named my elephant yet, but I really should since it’s been with me in whatever room I seem to occupy for quite some time now. Yes,infertility comes with its very own elephant – as if we need things to be any more crowded in the places we occupy, or worse yet, in […]» Read more
Spread the loveUh, oh. I detect some growing pains. The signs are all there. You know, when you wake up and get the sense of being torn in different directions? It’s not simply a question of bagel or Cheerios, but am I feeling settled? Unsettled? Seems I’m a goofy teenager all over again only with better clothes and different skin […]» Read more
Some remarkable milestones to report:
1) I was pea green with envy yesterday, but not for the usual reason (that’s right folks, pregnancy was not involved!) ….
2) A new work acquaintance asked me if I had children and my first instinct was not to throw something at him.
I think both episodes show signs of progress, yes? Okay, the details.
I’ve been working a few days a week at a really interesting startup where the only downside is that it requires 60-90 minutes of drive time each way. Since I abhor long, slow commutes I try to
distract myself with NPR stories. Yesterday’s feature had me wrestling with the ugly green monster.
Why? The guest was a new author talking about her book chronicling her experience, at 37, to freeze her
eggs. Ah, you say, you envy her the access to a new, promising reproductive technology? No actually, I envied her the slot she scored on NPR’s Talk of the Nation discussing her new book.
I laughed at the realization that I’d graduated from pregnancy envy to book envy. In each case I have had to work harder to get fewer results. You’ve got to admit the parallels are ironic. First, I
couldn’t get pregnant while doing everything required and then some while everyone around me was getting knocked up right and left. And, now, at a time when I finally delivered my book about the hidden tolls of living in an era of designer babies and clinics marketing fertility for all, I’m reminded again that mainstream media
has a fascination with making babies, but they’re less interested in what happens when all the whiz bang technology doesn’t deliver on its promise.
Ah well, I’m getting very comfortable being the Rodney Dangerfield of reproductive technology outcomes (and books about them).
Now, for item numero dos. For years I avoided any and all social and work situations that might land me in the middle of small talk with new people. I was expert at the handshake and run. It was my
way of self protection and a sure fire means of avoiding the evitable question about …