Serenity now! That’s the collective thought for most couples as they navigate through the holidays and try to keep infertility from becoming a buzz kill of the worst kind. There are more than a few givens that come with this season. One of them is that we’re about to be inundated with holiday tunes, which gave me the germ of […]» Read more
Updated to share two links revealing a reality different than what the conventional mom community experiences:
- Grown In My Heart, an adoption network, reviews Silent Sorority
- A Casting Call for Drew Barrymore, David Duchovny
Ack! What’s going on? If I were a conspiracy theorist, I’d be convinced we were in the midst of a well-coordinated, full-on assault against those who can’t or don’t have children.
You may recall the judgmental Orlando Sentinel Mom’s at Work blog I referenced in my last post. Who knew it was the tip of the iceberg?
This week Mika Brzezinski weighs in.
Mika, Mika, Mika…I really expected more from you. We’re contemporaries. I watched you tackle tough topics as a reporter, saw you anchor the weekend national
news. Did you really write not one but two posts all but arguing that children are
essential to fulfillment?
“Women face enough pressures and challenges in a workplace that is still depressingly biased against a female’s success. Add to that, the fact that the very thing many women I know find
most rewarding (having kids) is now frowned upon.”
Having kids is now frowned upon? Mika, you must be seriously distracted to have missed out of the whole mommy movement. Just check out Mom’s
Rising or Mom 2.0 Summit or the Motherhood Project or Maria
Shriver’s latest report, A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything. As Melanie Notkin points out in her editor’s note on Savvy Auntie the report weirdly overlooked the fact that not all women are mothers:
“The study, meant to change the way government policy and businesses modernize with the new standing of women in the economy – a change I completely support – interchanges the word
“woman” with “mother” so often it’s as if all women are mothers.”
…» Read more
It’s been a very long time since I sat in the Frieze Building on the University of Michigan campus taking notes in a women’s studies course. While I registered mainly for administrative reasons (the session fulfilled a requirement for my English Literature major), the class had the added benefit of being thought-provoking. One of the assigned books, Strong-Minded Women, remains […]» Read more
That’s a clue for my answer to some complex questions that came this weekend from Silent Sorority readers. The ideas and emotions contained in their questions were remarkably familiar — so
much so they could have come straight out of my own head a few years ago. I guess, by now, I shouldn’t be startled by the depth of the shared infertility experience. I’m sure they’ll evoke some deja
vu for you, too. The questions pose the ultimate test for infertiles who don’t succeed with treatment — overcoming anger and finding peace.
First came this email:
“I’ve been having a rough go of it lately and have been pretty messed up.It’s kind of the kick off of the fun family/kid centric holiday season and I know it’s always really hard for me.
Something you wrote about in your book and talk about at times is an issue that I’m dealing with. How did you move beyond the resentment of people who do have children? I absolutely hate
feeling this way. I’m even starting to resent my dr. and therapist, not good. I just see everyone with kids as having something I can’t, won’t. On some level, I understand it is the way it is
supposed to be. On the other hand, I just want to isolate myself from all those with kids. So frustrating,and impossible too! Does it just fade away?”
…» Read more
You know you are pretty far along the acceptance curve when you can laugh about things that once made you want to: a) scream b) cry c) commit Hari-Kiri or d) all of the above. I offer as evidence the Open Salon piece I wrote about the fertility industry, which led to the following online exchange with that oh so […]» Read more
It’s been quite a while since I felt compelled to include a blog post in the “Memo to the Fertile Community” category, but what comes next fit like a glove and then some. BTW: credit for the blog post title goes to my guy. There I was last week innocently starting my Sunday morning, feeling all it’s Sunday! I was […]» Read more
Infertile folk will never quite measure up on the yardstick of life used by “fertile” folk — what with such things as pregnancies, baby firsts, kid kibbitzing, and parental back slaps among the many markings. So what’s an infertile to do? Get a new measurement system! That’s only one of the “ah has” I’ve learned in reconciling infertility. It’s also […]» Read more
Constance? Earnest? Stalwart? Fred? I haven’t named my elephant yet, but I really should since it’s been with me in whatever room I seem to occupy for quite some time now. Yes,infertility comes with its very own elephant – as if we need things to be any more crowded in the places we occupy, or worse yet, in doctor office […]» Read more
*Who have never stepped foot in a doctor’s office to discuss why they are having trouble conceiving It’s not easy to explain why the question, “do you have children?,” can cut like a knife. With that in mind, I wrote a guest column, Infertility: Amid the Silent Sorority. It first ran on a site called CurrentMom. Perhaps this perspective can […]» Read more
Come on in. We’ve got room in front. Okay, everyone settled? Can you hear me in back? Good. Okay, I’ve got a few confessions to make.
First, I haven’t been completely silent these past six weeks. Those of you who follow me on Facebook or
Twitter know I’ve been writing for other sites during my Coming2Terms sabbatical. That’s right. I’ve been testing the waters and getting
comfortable writing for a wider audience. For instance:
- There’s my ongoing work to raise awareness about my book Silent Sorority (new reviews arriving regularly)
- There are my offbeat pieces like, “How Did I Get So Chesty,” which can be found on MORE magazine’s website
- My commentary on living without children in an era of helicopter parents, “No Kids?
Heap the Scorn, We’re Ready” lives on Open Salon
- My Barren Not Beaten column on Fertility Authority covers a range of topics like my review of the movie Up
As those of you who have been with me from the beginning well know I started this blog feeling broken, empty, isolated — in a word: LOST. I’d been living with infertility for more than a decade and,
at 43, found myself confronted with the unthinkable. Infertility treatment of all sorts had proven futile. Time was running out on a spontaneous, miraculous pregnancy and that stark realization
flattened me. I was angry, bitter, despairing, prickly. I felt my body had betrayed me. I felt massively misunderstood and, not surprisingly, I didn’t like the world very much.
A spin through my earliest posts reveals that I channeled my blackest ire at women who conceived easily. There were even days when I felt positively hateful toward once infertile women who succeeded
where I didn’t. At times their comments felt disingenuous. Their glowing posts were a stake in my fragile heart. “Look at me, I’m so very pregnant now! Here’s my belly (which you’ll never
have… .) to prove it!”
Yes, I confess that I never came right out and said it then, but those posts cut deeper in some ways than hearing about pregnancies from women who had never visited …» Read more