How does infertility affect us? Let me count the ways …
Sorry, Shakespeare, for mangling your great expression, but as I continue to assess the many different ways that this dreaded condition affects and changes us and our lives, I’ve created a new category: Infertility’s Collateral Damage. I welcome your examples and contributions.
In a recent exchange with Ellen at Miss E’s Musings she uncovered a positively perfect description for something I’ve been doing involuntarily for years but never had a name for. Funny how the right word can lead to an epiphany. The word of day: surveillance. Used in a sentence: I find myself exhausted quite often as a result of the energy used in the constant surveillance of pregnant women and mommies (Momzillas to be more precise).
With the epiphany, I became more conscious of my surveillance behavior. When I arrived later at the office I came smack into contact with a colleague nearly seven months pregnant all belly and smock topped with her second child. A cavalcade of emotions ensued, morphing from surprise to panic to anger and then to resignation. I was suddenly very aware of her and my next move. She was engaged with another colleague in an animated conversation about something to do with a school board’s indecision and I found myself bristling. There was something about her indignation and how the indecision would adversely affect her children that left me cold.
I immediately started casing the joint for an escape while at the same time fabricating a comment should I be asked for an opinion — most of them too sarcastic to actually utter aloud. It became apparent that they were too wrapped up in their conversation to notice me. I was able to make a clean break. My getaway complete, I realized how much energy I devote to what should have been a completely innocuous encounter.
I wonder how many pregnant women and Momzillas realize how exhausting just being in there presence can be?