1) makes me want to run and hide under the nearest rock
2) leaves me sadder than sad … or
3) sends me chewing nails and spitting tacks
While I mull over which of the three reactions has the upper hand, I typically answer with a simple: “no.”
You’d think after a dozen years of TTC and four years after we hopped off the infertility treatment merry go-round I’d be immune, numb or duck-like in letting the query roll over me. While the question fits in the small talk category for those with kids, it has always been, not surprisingly, humongous talk to me.
Today I got the question from a newer neighbor. I know he meant no harm by it but when you’ve been through what we’ve been through the question almost borders on fighting words. Imagine, for instance, asking a lung cancer survivor, “have you got any cigarettes?” Asking someone who suffers with multiple sclerosis, “care to go for a hike?” Asking a person who is blind: “so what’s your favorite color?” You get my drift.
My response this time around: “No, we’re not able to have kids.”
His response: “You’re not that old, are you?”
Something of a non sequitur wouldn’t you say? As is the case in 99.9% of the circumstances the environment didn’t lend itself to a tutorial on reproductive inhibitors so I just let it go. It was a big step for me to acknowledge that we can’t actually produce kids (without losing it in the process), but I still don’t have a satisfactory answer since “we’re trying” just doesn’t work any more. I’m open to ideas. What are your thoughts?