Karma Is As Karma Does


KARMAMy guard was down otherwise how could such an ordinary email catch me sideways? Here I was thinking I’d evolved, gotten the upper hand in this whole heart vs. head infertility battle. What did I learn from this episode? I’m still vulnerable. I may try to put up a brave front, but I’ve clearly got a ways to go in accepting that babies will continue to come to others but not to me.

A longer post is in the works trying to tease out the particulars. In that post I’ll be “on the couch” while Dr. PJ (my head) does her best to psychoanalyze why Pamela Jeanne (my heart) responded so viscerally.

In the meantime, I decided to take the high road. This business acquaintance didn’t know that her email would cause me heartache. After considering all of the feedback (thanks very much for the comments), I put into practice my new motto — Karma Is As Karma Does — and offered my congratulations on her news.  I added that I’d had a very busy summer, too, working on a book project and left it there. As I see it if I’ve done as good a job as I think I have on the book, she’ll be hearing soon enough all about my experience with infertility.

See also  That Pregnant Pause

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to go lick my wounds.


11 Responses

  1. Donna

    September 7, 2007 3:17 am

    I think the high road is generally the best way to go, in this context there was no sense that she knew of your struggle or was trying to thrust her success in your face. At least she didn’t complain about her kids!! One of your commenters said something that I think is very salient, and that is that everyone has a painful something in their life and we can’t tiptoe around each other. Two of my close friends lost both parents recently and I am careful not to complain about mine to them, that would be insensitive. But if I didn’t know that part of their story, I would appreciate them telling me that was painful to hear.

  2. chicklet

    September 7, 2007 3:25 am

    Yea, this stuff’s so bloody hard. You want so badly to educate people but sometimes it’s not worth it. It’s easier just to smile and nod, and hate them through your blog:-)

  3. Kami

    September 7, 2007 3:33 am

    I can understand that responding to an announcement may not be the best time to educate someone that their good fortune can cause pain. It is probably the kinder, wiser course.

    I have also been thinking about the lasting pain of infertility. Perhaps I will post my thoughts on my blog or as a comment in your next post. I am looking forward to reading it.

  4. Schatzi

    September 7, 2007 4:50 am

    I hope you aren’t being too rough on yourself. I am sorry to hear that the email brought up painful emotions, that is never fun… and is worst when it happens unexpectedly. Please be good to yourself… this is a process, not a test.

  5. Bea

    September 7, 2007 9:20 am

    There’s a lot of satisfaction and strength to be gained from taking the high road. I hope you got both.


  6. Babystep

    September 7, 2007 5:58 pm

    I think you made the right decision, taking the high road isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but it is usually the best thing to do.

  7. JJ

    September 8, 2007 4:07 am

    Another reason you are so brave and courageous–taking the high road is always the hardest. Kudos to you PJ….

  8. Kareno

    September 8, 2007 10:51 am

    I’m so sorry you’re hurting, and that I wasn’t there to comfort you. Your comfort to me the past few days has been a balm on my soul – thanks so much for your emails and comments and support. It means so so so much to me!

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