“I wonder if I’ll be as laid back as Christina when I get pregnant…”
When I get pregnant. A casual, off-handed expression of inevitability. It’s what I once uttered with all the certainty and innocence of one who didn’t know any better.
“Sure, you will,” came the reply from an equally confident friend.
They didn’t know I was there. I waited for them to leave. I wouldn’t have said anything anyway. I didn’t believe the older woman who had once tried to set me to rights when I was on the verge of turning 30.
“Don’t take anything for granted where pregnancy is concerned,” she cautioned.
I didn’t know then how right she was. It wasn’t a question of a ticking biological clock but flawed plumbing that prevented pregnancy for me. No matter. Her words haunt me still.
* * * * *
I’d also like to offer a word of thanks to Nancy, Mel, Niobe and all mothers and fellow infertiles alike who embrace those of us childfree after infertility and loss with the gentle understanding that we didn’t arrive here lightly. As I told Nancy, whom I’m recognizing for her Act of Kindness, we didn’t love our children-to-be any less. We just never got the opportunity to hold them.