I want to know what became of the changes
We waited for love to bring
Were they only the fitful dreams
Of some greater awakening?
I’ve been aware of the time going by
They say in the end it’s the wink of an eye
When the morning light comes streaming in
You’ll get up and do it again
I found myself thinking back on the changes we waited for love to bring. How many times when the morning light would come streaming in we’d get up and “do” it again – the monitoring, the doctor appointments, the medications, the scans – all the while wondering if our dreams would only be fitful ones.
And then ever so slowly as we adjusted to the changes not coming on the baby front, we faced a greater awakening. That being one of trying to live, work and play alongside those who seemingly, effortlessly grow swollen bellies and those who lovingly fuss and discuss their little ones. And amid those painful reminders of what wasn’t coming our way we’d have to get up and do it again – paint on a brave smile, fight back the tears and go on as though everything were just fine, even though on too many days to count, it wasn’t.
And even today, aware of the time going by, after all that’s occurred I am keenly aware of the strength it often takes for many of us to find our game face, to get up and do it again: live infertile among the fertile.