Opposing (and Kinder) Points of View


Newsflash: National Infertility Awareness Week ends on a high note.

While it was a kick in the head to get hard evidence (per my last post) that some people really do think infertiles are “weird bitches,” there are others who see things differently.

BlogherI offer up as Exhibit A a post written by Denise, a BlogHer Health and Wellness Editor. Not long after I joined the BlogHer community she first endeared herself to me by writing about infertility although she’d never experienced it herself. She endeared herself again at the BlogHer conference in July when she told me she admired my efforts to contribute posts on the BlogHer site despite getting little traction and feedback from the larger BlogHer community.

And true to form, she was a stand-up gal after I laid down a challenge. With stark candor Denise acknowledged that she could have been a better friend knowing what she knows now about infertility:

“I wasn’t the kind of friend I wanted to be and urge you to take my do-over yourself. Seek out information and become aware of the misconceptions surrounding infertility. If you have a friend who is having trouble conceiving ask her if she needs to talk – and don’t be afraid to listen.”

By encouraging others to be more sensitive to those having trouble conceiving she demonstrated that she is a true friend to the infertile community. I am overdue in recognizing her with an “Act of Kindness” award.

See also  Reader Mail: Infertility Affects More Than Infertiles

Exhibit B comes from Anika who wrote a post to mark NIAW.  She wrote to tell me what came next. Seems her heartfelt and thoughtful post…

“…attracted the attention of the author Tayari Jones, who wrote the exquisite 2006 novel ‘The Untelling’ about a woman discovering and then coming to terms with her infertility. After reading my post, Jones volunteered to give away a hardcover, first-edition copy of her novel.”

5 Responses

  1. Bonnie D

    October 28, 2008 2:19 am

    This all brings back such memories ! I went through years of infertility due to endometriosis 25 years ago. After 5 years we went through international adoption. When our daughter was 1 , we adopted daughter #2. Then, I found out I was pregnant- six years after I started trying, 2 years after I’d thrown in the towel. So I had 3 kids in 3 years. (And now three in college at once.)

    What did I learn ? Stay away from people who are insensitive and condescending. DO NOT Beat up on yourself ever for any reason, and don’t let anyone else either. Get the best doc you can, but when you’ve had enough, it’s OK to leave your body alone. I did, and I got pregnant after I was told it wasn’t possible.Get going on adoption early on, cause it takes a long time, and it can feel like a good balance if you have something kinda positive to focus on. Even if you decide you don’t want to, it gives you a little bit of control to say “this isn’t for me.”
    My adoption was foreign (COLOMBIA) and my two girls are fantastic. I was completely honest with myself, I knew I wanted infants, I didn’t want contact with the birth mother, I didn’t care if they looked like us.Don’t EVER let anyone scare or guilt you into a type of adoption that doesn’t feel right to you. And beware of people who you tell you that adopted kids are more likely to be LD, ADHD or any other kind of special needs – LOTS & LOTS of bio kids have all kinds of issues (I know cause I’m a teacher).

    Most of all, have faith in yourself !!!! You will find the solution that is right for you, if you are true to yourself and your partner, and you never need to explain or compromise. Your family will be just what you want it to be, whether that’s childfree, 1, 2, 3, or a dozen kids.

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