I’m a Ferrari? Now Exhale


Damn! Where’s the tape recorder when you need it? The playback of last night’s conversation with Mr. Pamela Jeanne would have been a keeper. I’ll try to recreate a portion of it here. It started after two bottles of wine and a fun evening with a smart, funny woman (we’ll call her XX) from my work circle. Without sounding too conceited, she reminds me of a slightly younger (fertile) version of me.

BTW: She has two kids but never makes me feel inferior or pitiable for not having them. I adore that about her. In fact, I think if I could have ever gotten my repro parts to work properly I would have been her style of mom. Loved it when she said candidly, “I could never be one of those moms who — bless their hearts ’cause I’m not one of them — cut paper shapes in the classroom. That’s so not me. I help the school in other ways…”

Here’s the conversation after dinner with Mr. PJ:

Me: I know I’m a tough act to follow, but if I ever get hit by a beer truck, you have my permission to marry someone like XX. I see you with someone who challenges you, makes you think, makes you laugh.

Him: Please avoid beer trucks.

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Me: Seriously, you could also marry XXX or XXXX or XXXXX. All of these women are a variation on me, so they’ve got my approval.

Him: Hmmm. (clearly trying to imagine being married to them)

Me: Okay. Who can I marry?

Him: This is a weird conversation (clearly stalling) …

Me: I know I’m a lot to handle…

Him: That’s an understatement

Me: Names, please

Him: Pammie, it’s just it takes a lot of man to well, you know…

Me: I’m that bad?

Him: No. It’s just I see myself as a Ferrari mechanic. Ferraris are beautiful but temperamental cars that need a lot of tinkering.

Me: Damn straight.

Him: When it runs, it runs like nothing else (sighing with appreciation), but when it doesn’t …

Me: (thinking to myself) He is so right — in fact, maybe I should have gone to a Ferrari shop not the RE clinic…

Him: Obama. You can marry Obama. He can play basketball and, well, he’s a lot like me.

Me: And, he knows how to handle hard questions, too…

* * * *


And, when I’m not having absurd conversations, I have a wonderful new project to think about. I’m contributing to Exhale,

“a literary magazine for intelligent people who have lost a baby or can’t make one in the first place.” It is the brainchild of the lovely Monica of Knocked Up, Knocked Down. You can find the submission guidelines here.  My first column is one of many essays and contributions now available. Please check the site out and let me know what you think.

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15 Responses

  1. luna

    December 17, 2008 5:06 pm

    I love this. I can just hear it now! you are totally a ferrari. and I mean that in the best way!

    btw, I love exhale, just read through it. awesome new project.

  2. noswimmers

    December 17, 2008 8:54 pm

    This is great! I need to ask my DH what I would be. Something tells me it might be a Gremlin or a Pinto or something.

    Anyway–sounds like XX is a great person, but I agree with DH–STAY AWAY FROM THE BEER TRUCKS!

  3. Polly

    December 17, 2008 11:31 pm

    HA! DH and I always joke that I’m like Meg Ryan in “When Harry Met Sally”

    “difficult … but in a good way!”

    I’m so high maintenance, yet somehow, I don’t think about who DH would marry if I got ran over by the beer truck – I know she’d never be as amazing as me 😉

    (I just wanted to let you know that I’m out here and reading your entertaining blog – take care!)

  4. Ms Heathen

    December 18, 2008 1:35 pm

    Brilliant! Next time Mr H complains about me being high maintenance, I’m going to tell him that he should think of himself as a Ferrari mechanic!

    That’s a very wise man you’ve got there, PJ!

  5. Deathstar

    December 18, 2008 5:03 pm

    Oooh, I love it – I’m going to ask my husband who I can marry – I’ll be quite attractive particularly with his life insurance benefits…..

  6. WaterBishop

    December 18, 2008 6:14 pm

    Love Exhale!

    DH has never tried the car analogy on me. he generally just describes me as ‘complicated’.

  7. Iota

    December 18, 2008 6:19 pm

    Um, Obama is already married… But I suppose if your husband and Michelle Obama were on the same plane which went down…

  8. Amelia Hirota

    December 19, 2008 10:17 pm

    I love the Ferrari analogy. Very witty, clever writing from the title, “Barren and Beautiful” to the hilarious posts. I look forward to checking you out on Exhale. Thanks for turning your life into art.

  9. Rachel

    December 20, 2008 3:30 am

    I knew I liked your dude… well done, Mr. PJ! And yes, darling, you are definitely a Ferrari. I’ll check out your article…

  10. JuliaKB

    December 21, 2008 3:41 am

    An apropos joke that has been my favorite of the last year:

    Wife asks her husband whether he would get married if something happened to her. “No,” says husband. “But why?” asks the wife, “don’t you like being married?”
    “Well, dear, I will never find anyone better than you. And another one like you, I don’t need.”

    Sounds better in the Old Country language, but I think this transmits the idea adequately.

    I just took a quick look/read at Exhale, and I love it. Leaving the window open to keep reading as time permits. Thanks!

Comments are closed.