A new year and with it the opportunity to take a look back at where we’ve come from and, perhaps more importantly, point ourselves in the direction we’d like to go.
For some of us that’s easier said than done. In the infertility community this annual exercise is complicated by any number of what ifs and the maddening 
waiting and wondering associated with consultations, research, tests, treatments and assessment — all the while trying to maintain a sense of hope for a sometimes elusive outcome.
I’m one of several millions of women and men who make up the infertility community and one of nearly 200 who contributed a blog post to a remarkable anthology called The Creme de la Creme. It was compiled for the third year by the ever caring Mel who is tireless in her work on behalf of couples looking for understanding and a way forward after losses association with infertility.
I had a mid-year look back and forward, which was the basis for my Creme de la Creme entry about coping with infertility called Becoming Me.
In 2009 (and in new years to come) I plan to continue the ever challenging, often confounding but never dull task of creating the mosaic that is my life. What are you looking forward to in the new year?
January 2, 2009 12:11 pm
Same aim, different patterns!
I wish you luck with your work of art.
Bea
January 2, 2009 4:30 pm
I went back and read your Creme post, which exudes courage. I think that final acceptance is the hardest thing for many people. Some people never decide to make that shift in mentality after any loss of any sort. In your case, loss of a dream for a baby, a planned life for yourself. Your post shows that it’s possible to let go of things holding us down.
January 2, 2009 6:16 pm
I’m looking forward to becoming me, too, again . . . for my husband and me to start becoming the “us” we’re going to be now that we’ve reached the end of the ART road. It’s daunting but has to be done.
Happy New Year, and may your mosaic take the form of a lovely stained-glass window — colorful and varied, and translucent enough to let the pretty sun shine through it.
January 2, 2009 9:02 pm
As I read your old post, I remembered how much I could identify with you. I had felt so alone, I could barely find the words to say what I really felt – and you had found the words for me. It meant so much to know that I was not alone – and not CRAZY – for the way I was feeling. The past has such a powerful hold on us, the might have beens, the what ifs, the why her and not me?….
As you know there can be no peace until we move forward in our lives, to find another way of being in the world. Another version of happiness. Creating a mosaic of happiness by finding pieces here and there from the fragments and broken pieces.
Much love.
January 2, 2009 9:16 pm
I just heard a woman describe her book on NPR about life after stillbirth. She went on to have 2 more kids. Not to minimize loss, but I think IF has been the harder road for me. It bugged me that I never hear about the IF – especially child free after IF path.
Than I thought of you and I really, really hope someday I get to hear you on NPR talking about your book.
January 3, 2009 10:38 am
Isn’t Mel wonderful? I did contribute to the Creme de la Creme 2008, but I believe that it is just a tiny drop in a large ocean of complex emotions.
What am I looking forward to in 2009? I will say this gently – a baby(or -ies), breakthrough in my PhD, stronger bonding with close family and a magic potion to lose weight. 🙂
Peace and Happiness!
January 4, 2009 2:56 pm
I’m looking forward to getting here more often now that I’m settled with home and internet!
January 4, 2009 10:42 pm
I loved re-reading both of those posts, your creme and the mosaic project. I love how you piece yourself back together one step at a time. everything looks different with depth and a change in perspective.
I also hope to reclaim my life from the beast of infertility this year.