Bad Girls of Infertility Land


bad girlsThere’s a scene in the movie The Commitments (one of my favorites) when a rag-tag group of would-be down on their luck Irish musicians decide they need a touchstone to help them connect with their soulful selves. The absurd but endearing dialogue that follows goes exactly like this:

Do you not get it, lads? The Irish are the blacks of Europe. And Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. And the Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin. So say it once, say it loud: I’m black and I’m proud…

…Soul is the music people understand. Sure it’s basic and it’s simple. But it’s something else ’cause, ’cause, ’cause it’s honest, that’s it. Its honest. There’s no fuckin’ bullshit. It sticks its neck out and says it straight from the heart. Sure there’s a lot of different music you can get off on but soul is more than that. It takes you somewhere
else. It grabs you by the balls and lifts you above the shite….

…say it once and say it loud, I’m black and I’m proud.”

That scene came back to me today when I got a not altogether different set of pep talks from two kick-ass infertile chicks. One of them is Christina Gombar a regular reader who has unabashedly proven that a women can be (my words) barren and beautiful. She hasn’t been shy about stepping forward and telling the world that yeah life has served up some body blows but she’s still standing. She’s a role model to be sure — tough as nails and determined to be heard (with talent to spare). You can read on her blog, Reality Chick, an interview  called “A Different Kind of Normal” in which she argues that women without children wouldn’t feel so depressed if society were more accepting. Give her some sugar — she’s more than earned it.

See also  A Fresh Start

Another bad girl of Infertility Land is Kate of Lost in Taipei, whom I adore for her ability to lace her posts with more swear words than I would normally be comfortable putting in print, but I think them nonetheless.

I’ll give you the reason why I needed the pep talk in a future post, but suffice to say when I need tough chicks (and this means you, too, Deathstar and DD, and so many others whom I don’t want to out without permission) I know that I have the Bad Girls of Infertility Land to help kick some virtual ass.

What makes you a Bad Girl Of Infertility Land … and, are you ready to say it with me?


16 Responses

  1. Baby Smiling In Back Seat

    February 11, 2009 6:58 am

    Happy Blogoversary!

    I think I’m a Bad Girl of IF Land because I force (okay, encourage) people to move beyond daily updates on cycles and think about the bigger picture.

    I remember that scene from The Commitments fondly.

  2. OHN

    February 11, 2009 11:51 am

    Thanks for the links to the other blogs. I know DD but didn’t know the others.

    Reading funny and/or intelligent blogs is so terrific.

  3. sherylhs

    February 11, 2009 2:12 pm

    I’m sayin’ it loud and proud – I’m a badass infertile, and DAMN proud of it! I’ve come a long way, and I owe much of my success in my surviving and actually thriving to all of you out there posting on this site and PJ herself. You guys all rock. I’m a badass because I refuse to sit and suffer in silence anymore. Instead, I will correct, educate and edify those around me without the understanding of what it’s like to be us. I will speak up and out. I will share my story and listen to yours. Power to the infertiles!!! PS – if you haven’t already, check out this editorial from the NYT from last week. It’s by a historian who seems to have a lot to say about childless couples having a happier marriage (sometimes) and about what we call Mom(and Dad)zillas!! (Those who have to take their kids everywhere with them . . .)

  4. Erica Schlaefer

    February 12, 2009 1:42 am

    I am reaching out to my fellow IF bloggers to spread the word about my non profit, Parenthood for Me, Inc. Our mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those starting families through adoption or medical intervention. I am an adoptive mom who underwent ART for four years.
    Please visit our blog


    Erica Walther Schlaefer
    Parenthood for Me, Inc.

  5. Jess

    February 12, 2009 4:04 am

    I’m a bad ass girl of infertility land! Hey, that sounds good!

    I’m bad ass because I survived 10 years of agonizing endometriosis and excruciating pain. Because I held my head high during meetings and speeches where I hemorrhaged in front of my colleagues. Because I endured more then my fair share of blood transfusions and rounds of dangerous medicines. Suffered through multiple miscarriages and well-meaning mother-in-law cards. Shared tears with friends who found out about their own infertility, and stood silent at the coffins of those who didn’t heed the warnings of their bodies. I’m bad ass because I survived my last and final pregnancy that turned into cancer and REALLY bad ass for letting my doctors remove the diseased organ that caused me so much suffering, yet offered so much hope.

    I’m bad ass because I show up to every baby shower for my best friends…no matter how painful. And because I ignore their ignorant comments and act like none of it hurts.

    I’m bad ass because at 30, I’m giving up a career I love and entering the unknown. A world that’s bad ass in its own right because it’s in desperate need of regulations and education.

    Oh! And my husband is bad ass too. As is Mr. Peanut, our bad ass bunny.

    Ha! That just felt good. Nice to meet all of you 😉

    • Pamela Jeanne

      February 12, 2009 11:06 pm

      You are without a doubt bad ass — and also a woman with huge heart, strength and courage … I am not worthy.

  6. WannabeMommy

    February 12, 2009 9:19 pm

    Dang, I thought I was an infertility bad ass till I read Jess’ comment. You girl, are my hero. I’m just a plain old SUB-fertile (I prefer the term to infertile) trying to make my way in this fertile world.

  7. Bea

    February 13, 2009 2:22 pm

    I wanna be a bad-ass too! I am so not a bad-ass like Jess and the others, some that I know in real life. Maybe in the future I can become badder. Or assier.


  8. stepping up

    February 14, 2009 1:58 am

    Love reading this great blog and comments. The strength we get from this is colossal. I refuse to sit in silence anymore. Time to educate the ignorant. Let’s go get ‘um.

  9. monica lemoine

    February 16, 2009 2:44 am

    OK, I don’t get prego at the drop of a hat, but I’ve been pregnant 3 times so I wouldn’t say I’m a bad-ass infertility girl (not exactly). I AM a bad-ass dead baby momma though, for what that’s worth. Having lost one to stillbirth and two to miscarriage, I can still swear like there’s no tomorrow and make fun of jesus. So there.

  10. Jess

    February 18, 2009 3:34 am

    Aw, I didn’t write that to make anyone feel less worthy.

    My first challenge felt insurmountable, so I know never to try to trump someone’s suffering.

    My lesson learned is you will be amazed at what you can handle in life. Deal with it, slap a smile on your face, and move past it as soon as you’re able!

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