Listen Up, Universe…


universeI interrupt my self-absorbed slog to free myself from infertility’s clutches to get a few things off my chest. Feel free to join in…

You see, more than a few of my favorite women in the blogosphere have recently gotten the dreaded BFN — the Big F#*KING Negative — following recent IVF and FET procedures. A few others have had BFPs cruelly snatched away in the early days. I don’t want to name names without their permission, but suffice to say they are in Taipei, Australia, and scattered throughout North America. They deserve so much better, and it makes me sad and angry to know they’re in a world of hurt.

So, listen up Universe (and don’t get too far away Mother Nature — I’ve got a few choice words for you, too!)

Aren’t there some wars you can end? Some bad guys you can mess with? They seem to be everywhere these days. I can point you to a few on Wall Street and then there are the usual suspects…

Look, I know no one ever promised us rose gardens but, really, don’t you have better things to do than to torment delightful, smart, hard-working, all-around amazing women who just want to get pregnant and deliver a child they’ve worked really, REALLY hard to create? They’ve gone the extra mile and then some. Why are you making this otherwise straight forward process so damned hard to do? If I didn’t know any better I’d be convinced you’ve got some deals worked out with the makers of Kleenex, not to mention those profiting from the whole fertility practice, medicine and paraphernalia supply chain.

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Mess with me all you want. I’ve developed a pretty thick skin and I’ve got the coping thing well in hand now, but my little sisters, they’re just trying to figure all this stuff out and you’re being no better than a bully.

And, Mother Nature? Your performance is just plain unacceptable. I know you can do better. You’ve been behind some pretty marvelous creations. It’s not like what’s being asked for here is outside the bounds of your day to day operations. Surely you can get with the program. This slacking has got to stop!

In all seriousness, the body blow that comes with a BFN, well, it’s nearly impossible to describe or to fully comprehend unless you’ve lived it.  My heart goes out to those trying to make sense of these gut-wrenching results. I wish them strength and peace.

And to those who read this blog, please be mindful of these lovely women. I know it’s a hard request to act on. That’s because you never know where you’ll find them … but they are among you, quietly making their way through their day to day routines, picking up the pieces and pushing forward.



10 Responses

  1. MLO

    March 16, 2009 4:51 pm

    Amen! There are so many folks who are having that hope stolen from them with no good reason. And, you know there are a bunch of people saying: “Well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” I usually want to strangle someone who says that. The only appropriate thing to say is, “I’m sorry,” as in you are sorry that they have to go through this again!

  2. Io

    March 16, 2009 6:21 pm

    One of these days I am going to figure out who is running this show and we are going to have *words*

  3. MrsX

    March 16, 2009 6:34 pm

    As the recipient of a *lovely* (snort) BFN after IVF this weekend, this post made my day. Thank you so much.

    Shall we go out and shake our collective fists at the sky now? Meet you there in 5 minutes.

  4. Kate Stormes

    March 16, 2009 7:39 pm

    AMEN!!! Why is it that women who have never experienced difficulty conceiving are the ones to give you advice. If I hear “just relax and it will happen” one more time I might blow. Kate

  5. Dora

    March 16, 2009 8:33 pm

    This post made me cry. YOU ROCK! Thank you. It does lessen the blow a tiny bit knowing how many people care.

  6. Rachel

    March 16, 2009 8:53 pm

    You are so kind to write a post like this. And I do not know what I will do if I end up joining those ranks. Again.

  7. Sara

    March 16, 2009 10:09 pm

    Thank you so much for writing this- just getting someone to listen and understand what the pain of loss is like. Thank you for again understanding and caring.

  8. Deathstar

    March 16, 2009 11:28 pm

    It’s nice to know you’re out there looking out for those who need a little looking out for. I wish hard work was all that was needed.

  9. B writes

    March 17, 2009 5:47 am

    Thank you. It’s nice to know that someone else is flipping the bird to the Universe on my behalf. There is certainly not enough of that – compassionate rage.

    Yours humbly


  10. Irish Girl

    March 18, 2009 6:22 pm

    The Universe and me? NOT friends anymore. But you’re right, I keep going about my day while picking up the pieces and pushing forward. It helps to know there are others like me, even though I wish none of us had to walk this path.

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