Tough Talk: Living Without Children After Infertility


yardstickInfertile folk will never quite measure up on the yardstick of life used by “fertile” folk — what with such things as pregnancies, baby firsts, kid kibbitzing, and parental back slaps among the many markings. So what’s an infertile to do? Get a new measurement system!

That’s only one of the “ah has” I’ve learned in reconciling infertility. It’s also just one of the many discussion topics you’ll hear in the radio segment: “Deciding to Live Involuntarily Childfree” (Note to the childfree by choice tribe: I know you get downright hot under the collar when infertiles co-opt your childfree label, but I didn’t name the segment).

Get comfy. Grab a cup of coffee or better yet, a glass of wine — chances are pretty good if you’re reading my blog you won’t be supervising homework tonight!  Addressed in the hour-long segment: When should you stop infertility treatment.  At what point do you decide to simply stop trying for the miracle? What are the life long ramifications with making the decision to live childfree?

Joining me on the show, hosted by Dawn Davenport of Creating a, was Stephanie Baffone, a therapist who made the decision to live child free after years in infertility treatment and has counseled with many others facing this decision.

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10 Responses

  1. loribeth

    October 8, 2009 1:32 am

    This was brilliant, Pamela — you & Stephanie covered so much territory & made such excellent points. Bravo! And thanks to Dawn for having you on her show!

  2. jill

    October 8, 2009 2:28 am

    Thanks so much for this. I just listened to the full interview while cooking alone in my kitchen and felt like I was spending the time with a few people who understood.

  3. Anonymous

    October 8, 2009 2:52 am

    Bravo indeed.

    Once again you are making this world a little more understanding for those who are walking the road behind you. I can’t say thank you enough. I might send the link to some family members.

    And nice to hear the sound of your voice.


  4. Christina

    October 8, 2009 5:19 pm

    Pamela — I listened to this last night and will listen to it again. It’s a wonderful, intelligent interview all around, and it should be used as a sort of “audition piece” — so we can get this discussion on NPR, the Today Show etc.

    With someone asking intelligent questions for once, you proved that you can carry a clear yet nuanced discussion for a full hour. I hope this is a springboard to getting our situation across to the wider world.

  5. Lori in Denver

    October 9, 2009 3:47 pm

    Just finished listening to it. Well done to both you and Stephanie.

    Like Christina said, I can easily see you on programs with bigger and bigger audiences. You are so well-spoken.

  6. Bea

    October 29, 2009 12:23 pm

    Nice interview – just listened. One thing got me toward the end – the bit where doctors say people don’t want to hear that treatment doesn’t work for everyone. I have to say, I wasn’t that patient at all, and I had to argue hard through many consults to get the “straight talk”. It doesn’t have to be pessimistic – it’s very possible to give an optimistic impression (as applicable) without promising the impossible. I believe there are doctors out there who have mastered it… but the trick needs to be more widely learned.

    But overall, great interview.


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