Serenity now! That’s the collective thought for most couples as they navigate through the holidays and try to keep infertility from becoming a buzz kill of the worst kind.
There are more than a few givens that come with this season. One of them is that we’re about to be inundated with holiday tunes, which gave me the germ of an idea for my Barren not Beaten column on Fertility Authority. It’s my musically-challenged attempt to give those in the midst of ttc (“trying to conceive” for the lay person), or trying to move on the confidence that they, too, will survive.
I’d like to take the idea a step further for those inclined to comment here. Simply share a tune with modified lyrics — something that lends itself to a good distraction for an awkward encounter.
p.s. I’ll also be doing some radio interviews in the next few weeks on this very topic — when infertility and the holidays collide. Welcome your coping tips. Think of it as a potluck of ideas.
November 24, 2009 5:10 pm
I have no suggestions but let me tell you that I could definitely use an I-pod full of defense from the holiday onslaught. As a CNBC/infertile I definitely feel like I belong on the Island of misfit toys and so that song often comes to mind.
November 24, 2009 9:54 pm
I don’t have any creative answers to those songs -songs I hated even before TTC.
One suggestion I have for those trying to survive the holidays in general is to give yourself permission to not go to all those family and friend gatherings. Many of our TTC holidays were spent just the two of us or maybe the two of us and one or two single friends. At first I thought it would be lonely, but I have found them very peaceful and enjoyable – much preferred to the baby filled ones with family.
I hope your radio interviews go well.
November 25, 2009 4:08 pm
I think it’s a good idea to avoid drinking alcohol during the holidays, especially at places that make you feel sad or depressed. Of course, if you’re trying to get pregnant, you’re probably already not drinking much…but if you can’t get pregnant or are on a break from infertility treatments, then drinking little or not at all might help. It works for me, anyway!
Quips & Tips for Couples Coping With Infertility
November 30, 2009 8:17 pm
This will sound strange … but what I did was decide to host my family’s large Hanukkah party. All kids invited. I have done this for the past three years, and believe it or not, it really helps me. I’ll give you the reasons why. First, gives me something to look forward to. I love to give parties and this is the one time that I invite all the kids. Second, basically most people just give the kids gifts, not adults, and it was strange to me and everyone that I gave all the kids gifts and then because I’m childless there was no reciprocation. Well, now they give me gifts as a thank-you for hosting. It works, I love getting gifts. Third, hosting my own party gets me involved in the season. I have a reason to decorate, and buys new things, and spruce up my home. Fourth, as a guest to these kinds of holiday parties, because I don’t have kids, I’d fade into the background(you all know what I’m talking about), but if it is my party, there is so fading into the background. So, there you have it, I hope it helps.
December 1, 2009 2:08 am
“If it is my party, there is no fading into the background” — love this sentiment! What a lovely idea all around. Thanks for sharing…
December 1, 2009 5:08 am
That should be “no fading into the background” (not “so”). This is the one thing with which I still struggle. I’ll try anything to make sure that I am still relevant despite not having children.
December 4, 2009 12:11 pm
I am almost finished reading your book. THANK YOU for giving us a voice. A lot more work needs to be done. There is a support website called http://www.childnessnotbychoice.com and a lot of women are deeply hurting right now. We could use your wisdom and support. We should also use meetup.com to start local support groups by city (not a whole lot out there for us). There has been talks about having an annual weekend retreat tradition for women that are moving on (we could use your help with that too). We must unite as the fertile world can be way too cruel at times. I would love the opportunity to meet you. Finally, you need to go on Oprah before her show ends for good. Your work is so important and so long overdue. For me the hardest part about infertility is losing friendships over it and feeling like I don’t fit in and that there is little to no escape in this child obsessed world. Thanks again.
February 3, 2010 9:12 am
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.