Barren Doesn’t Mean Empty


Come on in. We've got room in front. Okay, everyone settled? Can you hear me in back?  Good. Okay, I've got a few confessions to make.

First, I haven't been completely silent these past six weeks. Those of you who follow me on Facebook orTwitter know I've been writing for other sites during my Coming2Terms sabbatical. That's right. I've been testing the waters and getting comfortable writing for a wider audience. For instance:

As those of you who have been with me from the beginning well know I started this blog feeling broken, empty, isolated -- in a word: LOST. I'd been living with infertility for more than a decade and, at 43, found myself confronted with the unthinkable. Infertility treatment of all sorts had proven futile. Time was running out on a spontaneous, miraculous pregnancy and that stark realization flattened me. I was angry, bitter, despairing, prickly. I felt my body had betrayed me. I felt massively misunderstood and, not surprisingly, I didn't like the world very much.

A spin through my earliest posts reveals that I channeled my blackest ire at women who conceived easily. There were even days when I felt positively hateful toward once infertile women who succeeded where I didn't. At times their comments felt disingenuous. Their glowing posts were a stake in my fragile heart. "Look at me, I'm so very pregnant now! Here's my belly (which you'll never have... .) to prove it!"

Yes, I confess that I never came right out and said it then, but those posts cut deeper in some ways than hearing about pregnancies from women who had never visited ...

mother's day ban

Mother’s Day: From Meh to Arrghh!


Newsflash: Non-moms do not represent a unified voting block, as evidenced by the 46 responses to my recent request for non-mom perspectives about Mother's Day on HARO. Much of the differences in opinion stemmed from the circumstances that led to being a non-mom (e.g. those who chose not to have children vs. those who wanted children but weren't able to).

Sure there are some -- yours truly being one -- who find the over-the-top mommy marketing palooza hard to stomach, but other non-moms take a more zen-like approach. Where we can all agree, though, is around the idea that all women -- not just mothers -- deserve a nod for all they do for their families, communities and the world at large. Here, in their own words, are more thoughts from non-moms on Mother's Day.

Thank you!! It is nice to see someone willing to acknowledge that there are woman not called 'mother' out here. Gritting my teeth is exactly the way I get through it. Every commercial for mother's day has me running for the remote control. Any other channel will do. I feel anger at the assumption that all women must be or will become a mother. My mantra becomes soon another 'holiday' will be here and they'll forget all about this mother's day business.But it is all around you. In the magazines, on the TV talk shows, 'news' shows, entertainment; talk about who is pregnant, how awful it would be to not experience the wonderfulness of pregnancy and having children. It seems when the childless woman is mentioned it is as the butt of jokes or with a sad shake of the head, if she gets thought about at all. I wish there was a better way to get through it than Haagen Daas, Hershey's and trying to close it out of your hearing and your mind. --Lee
...